illusion to perfection

Whoever said the Christian life was easy?  I wish I could say that…but that would be simply presenting an illusion to the world.  Christians struggle like everyone else.  The only difference is that we have that faith factor.  We can and should have faith in the authority and power of Jesus Christ.  This past month has probably been one of the roughest times in my life.  And I wasn’t even expecting this!  I just moved to a new place to work with a ministry that I feel called to and that I love so very much.  I thought life would be great once I moved.

I was wrong.

I’ve battled with depression, anger, fear, anxiety, and bitterness.  No this Christian walk is not one of perfection or paradise.  A spiritual battle is waging all hours of the day for and against the building of God’s Kingdom.  The enemy has truly been battling my spirit during this time.  At times I have given in and been the shallow roots that Jesus spoke of in Mark 4.   “But they have no root, and endure only for a while; then, when trouble or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately they fall away.”
(Mark 4:17 NRSV)

I hate that I can be described by this verse.  If I am so easily swayed during times of dryness and trouble, what does that say about my relationship with God during the good times?  Times of doubt, fear, and confusion are just the times that God wants to grow us.  He wants those roots to grow deeper and deeper to the point where we don’t fall away during times of trouble but press into Him for everything.  He wants to get us to the point of desperation and absolute humility…a place where God begins to have authority over us.

Oswald Chambers asks this question, “Are you willing to obey your Lord and Master whatever the humiliation to your right to yourself may be?”  That is a big question and one that I come to with strong reservation.  I don’t want to give up the right to myself and my wants, because I know if I do my life will change drastically and it won’t be about me all the time.  But I sense God bringing me to that point of humiliation where I must answer that question.  Yes, this is very painful but I thank God for this season.  He has brought me to a place where I cry out to Him constantly to stop this and I admit my utter powerlessness.  That is where He wants us, because when we let go and call on His name to act – He will.  Deny yourself and pickup your cross daily.

I’m nowhere near a spiritual season of spring.  I’m still trudging through the frozen snows of winter.  But I look forward to springtime.  What a great opportunity to grow in the Lord.  He won’t stop until I am utterly broken.  For when I am broken from the mold I made for myself, He can then go back through and rebuild the masterpiece He wants.  He loves me that much to want to perfect me.  No this Christian life isn’t a life of perfection, but a life in pursuit of perfection.  We Christians don’t have it easy.  If anything we have it the hardest, because we must get to a point of denying ourselves and emptying ourselves of “us” so He can pour all of Himself in.  That makes the Christian life so amazing.  We go through these troubles not as punishment, but as a chance to be transformed by a God who loves us deeply and desires our whole being.  It isn’t an illusion of perfection.  It’s an allusion to perfection.